>
> Dear Red States...
>
> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
> taking the other Blue States with us.
>
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe
> this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people
> of the new country of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
> get
> stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
> Ken
> Lay.
>
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
>
> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
> Alabama.
> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay
> their fair share.
>
> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
> Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
> moms.
>
> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and
> we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
> people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
> willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
> don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish
> you
> success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
> spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
> the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
> lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
> quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of
> all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
> low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
> and
> Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
> percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
> percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
> 100 percent of all televangelist, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
> Clemson and the University of Georgia.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
> we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
> evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
> and
> 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals
> then we lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
> they grow in Mexico.
>
> Sincerely,
> Author Unknown in New California.