this is for you scott
<3

Her words blind-sided him and left him mentally sprawled out on the floor, like a rag-doll hit by a train. He wasn't ready fr what she had just said, his brain struggling to get back up. Where had this come from? This wasn't what he planned out, this was all wrong. He searched for the correct words to put together, to find some reason for her statement, but all he could put together was some type of babble that sounded distinctively like his six-month old younger sister. He stood there blankly, almost in tears, reapeathing her words over and over again in his shattered memory like a skipping record.
Finally, he had found the right words, but as he fially refocused, she was already gone, faded away from him twenty years ago to this day, and all he could do was let out a whisper, "Why?..."

for those who read these and think there is something seriously wrong with me.. here is how i really feel..

their hearts collided into a whirling, bright and colourful display of love and happiness.. the drug of love was set like a bomb and exploded with a show of brilliance and beauty.. vivid was defined in four deminsions... creating music for the soul and for peace.. easing the mind and relaxing the being.. unfathomable depths of happiness and calm.. a gift from god some say... together forever, never to be lost in the disarray of darkness and blind noise that tries to pry them apart...mixing and molding.. the two become one being.. two bodies but one heart, one soul.. everything is perfect.

as the dust fell and the sun rose.... damn. ill come back to that..

tears fell and cascaded across the blood and broken glass that was once his love and happiness.. gone.. shattered in seconds, what was once a tower of beauty and strength that took years to build.. but all gone.. shattered was his life.. shattered was he.. and he took the chances.. and he was willing to make the sacrifices for it, this tower of glass and mirrors.. the tower that showed the beauty of the world within ones self..and he stood there.. underneath and waited for the crumbling of his kolidiscope of life.. on top of him..shattered over him.. on him.. through him... and now... like his tower.. he himself falls into debris.. and has nothing left but the shattered mirrors that showed the shattered world.. and the shattered glass that showed the ugliness though it.

its all shattered.

i dunno... this evening was good cuz i hung out with joe. it was fun it being just he and i.. we listend to this song.. and it made me happy.. something i needed. i also need sleep.. but i guess that wont be coming too soon... damn.. oh well.. that 18 bucks is gone...

Banana Pancakes

Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
this song It's meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe, hala ka ukulele
Mama made a baby
I really don't mind the practice
Because you're my little lady
Lady, lady love me

Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains

Pretend like there's no world outside
And we could pretend that all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
There ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need
Can't you see, can't you see

Rain all day and I don't mind

The telephone singing, ringing, it's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It's just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms

Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, wake up slow

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this song
It's meant to keep you
From doin' what your supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in

I'll make you banana pancakes

Pretend like it's the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need
Rain all day and I really, really, really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see

We've got to wake up slow

jkdf; white whit waslls and hosplitalws... were all h[\\ papper thin ajd waithing..kl;kl;sfadjkl;sdgkl;sdgakl;sgawrtsdkfgas
fuckdkl;andllads dfs;klsdflk;dfskl;sljk;asdgjkl;
;lkasfjkl; jasezz;klsd;asda hgasgj;jsg;klsg\
ikant thbigk right wnow so i shold go to my othe myspace andthyep

for sleeps sake, tell me everything is ok, tell me things will be fine. cuz sleep is the only time i have an ounce of sanity. through all the fucked up shit in my dreams, its the only thing that makes sense in my life. without it i have no stability. and i dip into the norm of a dream. saddness and anxiety take their toll and the disillusion of what is not will blanket itself over my eyes. all i need, is a little bit of comfort, the sincerity of your voice as you tell me what should be. for sleeps sake, just tell me things are ok. for sleeps sake. for my sake.


augh.. i hate it... what do you think scott?

>
> Dear Red States...
>
> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
> taking the other Blue States with us.
>
> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe
> this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people
> of the new country of New California.
>
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
> get
> stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
> Ken
> Lay.
>
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
>
> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
> Alabama.
> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay
> their fair share.
>
> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
> Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
> moms.
>
> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and
> we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
> people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently
> willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you
> don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish
> you
> success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
> spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
> the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
> lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
> quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of
> all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
> low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
> and
> Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
>
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
> percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
> percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
> 100 percent of all televangelist, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
> Clemson and the University of Georgia.
>
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
> we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
> evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
> and
> 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals
> then we lefties.
>
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
> they grow in Mexico.
>
> Sincerely,
> Author Unknown in New California.

took to shore of the vast sea of his mind... he looks for the truth and treasure.. not to his surprise he knows that it is not there... for all that is wanted has been washed away with the sunami thoughts crashing along the walls of his memories.. slowly weathering away what once was happy times... of course those are all gone.. and they can never come back.. but he tries to keep hold of what was once the most glorious days of his young and now useless life... without them he is dead... not speaking of his body.. but his being.. death does not start from the body and work to the soul.. but works from the soul and to the body... and the only thing that keeps this mans soul from washing away with the tide.. is the memories of happiness he once had... saddly.. they are fleeting him... everyday.. little by little.. they break apart and disentigrate away.. leaving only wounds and sours to fester on his dieing soul.. his only hope now is to recover what was lost once.. memories can be lost.. this is true... but new ones can replace the old.. to find her.. is the only way to save himself...

how do you like that??? the bold and italicised part i just thought was important.

down on my knees, but not to pray..
hit so hard across the skull it buckled my legs...
she told me i had hell to pay...


i pay..